marble steps thou shall not question.

maybe i am not ready. pff whatever lets try it. dont bother me about my grammer, spelling mistakes please! lets get into the blackbox.

so i am kind of depressed as i am a total failure. it has been 2 months since i came, still i have not fulfilled any of the things i have desired to do. poetry i have is declining as i am not able to get any inspration from this city. actually my incapability is some kind of inspration as i feel like trapped. i think main reason for this "incap" is that i am not reading in my mother language as much as i did back in motherland. so i made my mum and pap send me lots of books. but they send me extra boring depressing "french romantic" books, which mean "full of pain" creativity periods for me.

i also know that i need to ready my articles for ZOR, and ready some stuff for my cousin so that he can CONSIDER publishing. but i so messed up that i dont care about school, myself then everything is falling apart.

"i am so clever, fuck forever?"
no no!
"stuck forever!"

this kind of behavior is making me asocial, as i lose all myself confidence, self esteem ( whatever! ). and it is really not time to be asocial, this is erasmus.

at least i am forcing myself to have some dicipline about life and trying to organize myself, my life, my ambitions... it is a slow process as i am easily distracted... i should be able to concentrate god please why did u create me so stupid! i lack self respect!

"man who cannot govern himself..." i dont want to finish this sentence. no need to punish my self confidence more.

now lets talk about music, only thing that is keeping me sane these days. ( thank you very much vincent, i am so glad that i met u, u changed my view to music! )

- out the blackbox, everything is not black -

download.com is sometimes so funny... cmon what is the connection of morning stares with the muse!. morning stares is a cool band from chicago, i admit that sometimes they sound very cheesy, not too cheesy i would never compare them with "evanescenes".very good orchestral stuff they have there.

since january i have been in denmark so i had opportunity to listen a lot of danish swedish, norvegian bands. i am not gonna talk about minor majority, kings of convenience (they are everywhere) but arenbe a swedish band, they fulfilled most of my expectations - and believe me i have really high expectations for scand. bands as pioneers have increased my expectations alot.

so massive attack have a new album, not an album maybe but some kind of collection with new songs inside, i will listen to it i really want to comment about it. my first impression about the single "live with me" is astonishing! it is amazing, the music video is very good, it looks like a less lesbian version of "smack my bitch up"... as i am doing erasmus here it reminded me of ourselves just in a preparty :)

the vines, baby shambles, and flaming lips have new albums out, again alot to listen to and like :) but i am planning to buy all brian eno albums ( a hundred thousand of them ?? ) and listen to them first

d-_-b

so i am gonna write some stuff tomorrow, then pause for 5-6 days as i will be in my mother land. eh vi ses i morgen.